Is It Okay to Hate My Mom?

On Mother’s Day, it’s normal to feel conflicted about the woman who raised you.

Mother's Day. But not everyone is celebrating Mother's Day, at least not in their hearts. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it okay not to celebrate my mother?” you’re not alone.
Motherhood is often depicted as a picture of unconditional love, but for many of us, the reality can be much more complicated. The truth is, emotions around our mothers can be intense—love, guilt, anger, resentment, and everything in between.

For those who have experienced emotional trauma from a parent, these feelings can leave us questioning whether we’re justified in harboring negative emotions toward the person who was meant to care for us the most.

As we approach Mother’s Day, it’s worth diving into this uncomfortable, yet essential question. Because while society often celebrates the bond between mothers and children, it's important to acknowledge that not all mother-child relationships are filled with warmth. Sometimes, they are filled with pain. And sometimes, it’s okay to admit that.

Why Do I Feel This Way?

First off, feeling conflicted about your mother doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you human.
The relationship with our mothers shapes so much of who we are, and it’s crucial to understand that emotional trauma can stem from many different aspects of the mother-child dynamic. Whether it’s emotional neglect, verbal abuse, or unrealistic expectations placed on you, these experiences can leave lasting scars.

Mother’s Day, a day that is meant to honor mothers, can often be triggering for those with unresolved pain. Instead of celebrating, you may find yourself grappling with complex feelings of anger and resentment. This is common for many people who have experienced emotional trauma, and it’s important to validate these feelings without guilt or shame.

The Impact of Emotional Trauma on Motherhood

Emotional trauma is not just a theoretical concept—it can have a very real and profound impact on both children and adults. According to research, trauma in childhood can lead to a variety of mental health struggles, including depression, anxiety, and relationship difficulties in adulthood.
Many individuals who experience this type of trauma feel isolated, as the culture around us often expects us to be grateful for what our parents provided, no matter what.

But is it really okay to “hate” your mom? Let’s unpack this, starting with the emotional response that can arise when a child feels unsafe or unloved by a primary caregiver.

A 2019 article from Verywell Mind discusses the emotional journey of people who struggle with feelings of hatred toward their mothers, stating that it’s important to recognize and process these emotions, rather than dismissing them as “ungratefulness.” When emotional trauma is involved, the feeling of hatred is often a defense mechanism for deeper pain.

Read more on how to set healthy boundaries with toxic family members to protect your emotional well-being.

The Root Causes of Emotional Conflict with Our Mothers

So, why do we feel the way we do?
The answer often lies in the early years of development. Psychologically, the bond with a mother—or lack thereof—can shape our identity and emotional capacity for relationships. But what happens when that bond is fractured? Research from PubMed Central notes that a depleted or emotionally unavailable mother can cause significant emotional turbulence, leaving the child to navigate developmental struggles without sufficient support.

This leaves us with two critical questions:

1. Can you “hate” your mother if she didn’t give you the emotional care you needed?

2. How do you heal from this trauma without perpetuating the pain in future relationships?

Yes, it’s okay to feel angry or hurt.
But how you process this anger—and set boundaries with your mother—can make all the difference in your healing journey.

How Can You Heal and Move Forward?

Feeling conflicted on Mother’s Day can be part of your healing process. It’s a chance to reframe your emotional experience and break free from any patterns of guilt. Healing requires deep self-compassion and, sometimes, professional guidance.

Here are steps to move toward healing:

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Start by accepting your emotions. Anger, resentment, sadness, and guilt are valid and should be felt, not suppressed. Give yourself permission to feel without judgment.

• Create Healthy Boundaries: Understanding how to establish and maintain boundaries with toxic family members is key. Not every relationship needs to be reconciled for it to be healed. Learn more about setting boundaries here.

• Seek Professional Support: It’s okay to ask for help. Therapy or a relationship diagnostic session can guide you through difficult emotions. Schedule a Relationship Diagnostic Session here.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Give yourself grace. No one is perfect, and no relationship is without its struggles. Learn to care for your emotional needs while acknowledging the pain you’ve been through.

Realizing It’s Not About Blame

As you navigate your feelings, it’s important to remember that your emotions don’t have to be about blaming your mother for everything that went wrong. Trauma, emotional neglect, and unmet needs often stem from deep-seated issues that are not your fault.

However, it is your responsibility to heal. This healing journey doesn’t mean that you will forget or excuse harmful behavior. It means that you have the power to reclaim your emotional health and move forward with your life, unburdened by unresolved trauma.

Mother’s Day can still be a day of acknowledgment, not celebration. It can be a day for you to reflect on your journey and your growth.

TL;DR?

It’s okay to feel anger or resentment toward your mom if you’ve experienced emotional trauma.
Healing starts with understanding your emotions and setting healthy boundaries. Whether it’s through therapy, journaling, or seeking professional guidance, there’s a path forward for you.