Learn How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Start Your Journey

It’s common that people sometimes will “addict to” relationships and trying to satisfy others’ needs which in turn ignores themselves. However, flattering others can not win the respect of others, nor can you satisfy yourself. Therefore, It’s time to change your mindset and setting healthy boundaries with other people.

On the following sessions, let’s practice with Etel and address the boundaries through understanding the connotations of boundaries and doing interesting exercises.

1. What is the first step to set healthy boundaries?
2. What is an important thing of changing your mindset?
3. What is important when you do self-work?
4. How to receive the best version of yourself?

Key Points You Will Learn in this Session

Addict to people pleasing is unhealthy.

 

Change yourself through changing your mindset is the first step of setting boundaries.

 

An important thing of changing your mindset: Being accountable to others.

 

When you do self-work, it is important to put cynicism aside.

 

Jump out of the comfort zone of old habits.

 

Keep practicing and continue your work, don’t give up, you will receive the best version of yourself.

 

Redefine Unhealthy Beliefs

Many people still think that boundary is a negative word. People will associate punishment, selfishness, and other negative things with setting boundary. Now, let's change the stereotype of boundaries and build a healthy boundary together!

What You Will Learn in Chapter 2

1. Is setting boundaries really a bad thing?
2. Who always set boundaries?
3. What you’d better not to do when you setting boundaries?

Key Points You Will Learn in this Session

Most people believe boundary is negative, but the true is not.

People who set boundaries are usually people that other respect, who have self-love and people drawn to.

People with boundary will show you who they are, what is okay and what is not okay

Waiting too long to set boundary will make you sit with resentment. The feeling of resentment will boil in and explodes if you don’t let it go.

People who do not put healthy boundaries are usually who get negative emotions.

Top 5 Reasons People Don’t Set Boundaries

The top 5 reasons why people don’t set boundaries are people don’t like to be rejected; people pleasing; avoiding arguments; ‘Good Girl Jerusalem’; people don’t know how to set boundaries. Don't be hampered by these five reasons. We need to overcome these difficulties and establish a healthy boundary between ourselves and others!

What You Will Learn in Chapter 3

1. What are the top 5 reasons people don’t set boundaries? /li>
2. What are the roots of those reasons?
3. How to solve those roots?

Key Points We Learned from this Session

People pleasing means doing things that I don’t want to do it only to please others.

 

People pleasing =lying, and lying cause self-esteem lower

 

Keeping your thoughts and opinions means high self-esteem

 

Childhood experience influences some people to avoid arguments

 

Set the boundaries that make you feel good

 

Boundaries can be healthy; It can benefit you and empower you

 

Setting Boundaries to Ourselves

Our behavior is the key! Remember the boundary is always for you and determine what the boundary is, what happens and what you are going to do when the person breaks the boundary before setting boundary with the person you want.

What You Will Learn in Chapter 4

1. Who is the boundary set for?
2. What should I do and think before setting the boundary?
3. What are the incorrect ways to set boundaries?

What You Will Learn in Chapter 4

We never set boundaries to the other person because we set the boundary to ourselves.

 

Keep thinking what you are going to do when the boundary is set.

 

The boundary is always for you.

 

Using meaningless words and empty threats or ignorant ways to set boundaries is incorrect.

 

We cannot force people to change but we can change our behavior.

 

Knock, knock- Timing is Everything

Negative emotions can make it impossible for us to set boundaries with others. Therefore, we need to schedule a meeting with the other person when we feel good and HALT free, and clearly state our boundaries after sufficient preparation.

What You Will Learn in Chapter 5

1. How to prepare the meeting with the person?
2. What is Emotional Space and how to avoid it?
3. What technique can make the other person listen to you calmly?
4. What are the first 3 steps to prepare?

Key Points You Will Learn in this Session

Do not set boundaries when you have negative emotions (emotional space)

 

Emotional space is a phrase means bringing emotions into your words when setting boundaries

 

The healthier way to set a boundary is to first set a meeting

 

Remove power struggle by scheduling time for a meeting

 

Preferably today

 

Through removing power struggle, the person will arrive calm and relaxed, listen without threatening

 

HALT means Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired

 

Review your notes, HALT free and remove your phone are the first 3 steps to prepare

 

Skills for Success

Now it’s the time to enter the meeting. Review your notes, make sure to have eye contact, pleasing body language, facial expression and word choice are four important things during the meeting. Using Sandwich Trick strategy to organize your language and convey the right information to the other person. Let's start now!

What You Will Learn in Chapter 6

1. What are the four important things during the meeting?
2. How to use body language to get success?
3. What skill is significant during the meeting?
4. What is Sandwich Trick and how to use it?
5. How to use thought through process?

Key Points We Learned from this Session

Eye contact, Body language (sit upright and body towards other), facial expression (eyebrows) and word choice are important factors during the meeting.

 

Express what you feel and need is important.

 

Sandwich trick is a strategy means put the difficult issues between two pleasant things.

 

When using Sandwich trick strategy and the person gets defensive, you have to stay curious.

 

Using this thought through process: Be clear about the boundary -> Approach it in a planned meeting -> Make the other person feel heard.

 

Take the time and put the effort into creating healthy relationship.

 

It works if you work it

When the other person acts on our boundaries, we also need to respond positively. At the same time, if the other person does not, we should also insist on doing what makes us feel good and the right thing.

In this process, we need to look at ourselves, be consistent, and understand that we are not the highest power of anyone, and so are others. Finally, please always love yourself!

What You Will Learn in Chapter 7

1. How to respond if the other person act on your boundary? How to respond if the other person act on your boundary?
2. How to respond if the other person doesn’t act on your boundary?
3. How to use a “mirror” to look at your inside?

Using A “Mirror” to Look at Your Inside

• What can I bring to this relationship?
• How can I respect myself though setting healthy boundaries?

Key Points We Learned from this Session

If the other person respects your boundary, remember to show immense appreciation, and even exaggerate your recognition.

 

The boundary set is always for us.

 

Keep doing whatever feels good to you even if the person makes excuses and follow through with what you promised to yourself.

 

Consistency is a key.

 

You are not the higher power of anyone, and no one is your higher power.

 

Always have Self-Love.